LIFELINE

PAST TENSE
( Thinking it would teach me how i make my life at its's best. )

When i look at my life way back then all i can say is "AMAZING". I've been through a lot of sufferings in life. I always wanted to divert it to something i could be proud of someday. It may sounds very awkward knowing that even now I'm still prisoned to what i had been and hu i had been in the past.

Being still prisoned of my past wouldn't give strength. All im getting is misery and condemnation. I don't even know if im being blessed or not at all. I am enthusiastic enough to be a negative thinker. I'm always into positive side. If   it's for the best then i'll go for it. It it's not helping me at all better stop it. Simplicity is what i'm into.  For i know that there is really beauty in it. But sometimes people might misunderstood your action and words. They're not sensitive enough to feel what you're feeling inside. So all i can do is just let them judge me. I dont CARE..It doesn't MATTER.

PSYCHOLOGICALLY REALM
( Thinking it sometimes it'll give me WARNING. )

I'm quite yet very sensitive and a typical lad.  How would i put myself in a situation without even hurting other people? I ask this question to myself many times. Hoping that someday i'll find what's the real thing happening in my life. People might not like you beacause of how you acted toward them. No one CARES. It doen't bother me at all atleast i'm just being true to who i really am. I can't express myself vocally (not a vocal person). I can only do it in a written way. I love to talk to strangers even i don't know them personally.

PREDICAMENT
( Thinking it would help me fprget eveything. )

I tried to kill myself.
I'm very childish.
I wanna forget my past.
I'm very reckless handling important things.
I tried to run away from home.
I tried to find myself by my own.
I cursed my family especially my father.
I don't want being sorrounded by my father.
I just don't like the whole him.
I'm looking for something that can fill in that emptiness.
I never felt I'm being loved by the people who i thought would not defile me.
I am sorry to myself knowing how hard their treatment to me.
Are they against me?
VERY stubborn,  a blacksheep, and a no good person.

RESOLUTION OF SINGULARITIES
( I'm liking this in the present. )

I find myself more interesting. I need to improve it even more. I love myself now.
I can say that I am now a matured person, intellectually speaking. I'm now change into someone i'm not use to before.
I am now treating my past as the best teacher for it helps me strenghten my desire to screech a thing. I can't really conclude that i'm more responsible. 50 percent change , I guess. Not bad i supposed.
Running away to something isn't helping at all. It'll give you conflicts.

I  forgive my father for all he had done to me. I miss him. I love him even more. I dont have the right to curse him bercause without him i wouldn't be this HANDSOME as i am today. ( ANY REACTION )
I'm proud to what he'd been accomplished, big or small. We're not totally close but i get him and i dont want people judge him. He's not really that sweet. But it doesn't mean he doesn't love us. We are created differently and unique in many ways. Needless to share this but i never got a chance to say that i love him personally. Atleast now here in this blog i can let you guys know how i love my father and how big it may be. BE proud of your father no matter what.

I know myself better than those who know me personally. But sometimes i feel the emptiness inside my heart. So i keep searching solution or alternative to atleast to  lessen this urge. I just dont know about it. I'm still figuring it out.

I don't consider myself as someone i dont deserve to be. God created me for a special purpose and that is to win souls and share His words. I thought if people will criticize you that would mean they hate you. When i knew it, they'll just helping you.
 I should've to love them. CARE them all the time.  FORGIVE THEM AND FORGET ALL THE HURT THEY'VE DONE.

                 " These changes in me wouldn't possible if without the lord guidance."

-Something to cherish Forever-

WHEN I'M WEAK  

( There are song that can really make you CRY AND SAD 

when  you hear them. B

ut it's actually 

not the songs 

that makes you cry. I

ts' the people and things behind it. )

WHEN I'M WEAK 

I was alone,

then no one cares

and theres a voice saying;

be strong

Then the wind blows

into my heart

i close my eyes

i feel the warmth,

flowing inside of me

it reminds me of you:

so, hold me tightly

as you always makes me smile

coz i dont wanna lose

a friend

the love

you shared,

you always

care for me.

you are my treasure

that will always burried

inside my heart

sky is always blue

stars are shinning bright

dry my tears;

coz i wont hide it anymore

you are the

joy of my heart

This is a POEM composed by my friend hope you like it guys. She made it from the bottom of her heart. Mind you guys, I really like it and I'm even more inspired by it..It's so amazing to know that there is someone out there appriciating your woth as their friend. I just wanna say thank you for this girl whose always helping me when I'm in need. Way back then, we're not so close till one certain situation where we're facing same scenario. Thats when I appriciate her as a Good person. Some will judge her because of her geekness but that's not what is the real thing about her. 

She's intellegent but kind of coward in terms of how she will maintain good grades. Nevertheless she's amazing, an authentic person and a very loving one. although I sometimes hate her moods but still i undestand it for the sake of our friendship. I like her not because we're friends but because of her whole being of who she realy are and of what we have been through. Who would've thought that she has this wonderful gift to me. I just can't understand it. Well, maybe that's the spirit of friendship. It will help you improve yourself especially emotional aspect...JUST WANNA SAY THANK YOU TO HER FOR HER EFFORTS AND I APPRECIATE ALL SHE DID. Thanks for the friendship.

_Should I BE PROUD?_

"Everytime we hear something about money, we really thought that it's the solution of everything. It's partly correct but there are some that cannot be solve by money. some are rich by birth because of their family background, but most of them are not happy. They feel empty even they have wealth. They are looking for something that can make them happy. Generally speaking most are prone to drug addiction but not all. Even those in need. Anyways, I'll be tackling more about how we can survive in every trials we had been in life. As i experienced it all I can say is lets hold on to God. We need to find things will help us. Seems like having a stayble job or atleast a minimum salary. We can survive through this but we cannot make it possible to happen if we are just waiting for a miracle. we need to move. Put it into action. It's like having faith without action for it was death. So in my part I never deny the fact that I'm one of those whose been suffering from any scarcity. For me to still be happy I need to help myself. Pursue something which can help me. Find a job to finance my needs. Job hunting nowadays is very hard. For you to find it you need to be patient and be determined. Never give up. Keep going."
_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was a sunny afternoon when I started to prepare myself for job hunting. As I
expected most of them didn’t give me a chance to be part of their company. Its okay! Being neglected is actually part of growing up as individual. It will give you learning and lessons to take on. After Labor Day (MAY 12, 2010) a job fair was open, conducted by the DOLE (Department of Labor and Employment) held at the mall. We are only given five companies to apply."Maam can i ask something,can't we make it more than five? I asked. She said "NO". So I started searching those companies that are interested in me. There are a lot of options to choose to. But I choose the best that's really suites my capabilities.

When i went back inside the mall I am so amazed to what I saw. There are many hopeful whose been very eager and desperate for a new job. Some tried to just try their luck. Let just faith decide the outcome "BAHALA NA" as what most people termed it. I am proud too that I did The same thing. I just try my luck. I didn't expect too much from it. I just want to feel how it feels like searching for something you could've ever hard to find. I just want to evaluate myself if I can make it my own. It was very memorable and enjoyable experience I had, I suppose. Sweat been falling. Though It's very cold inside but still we're sweating, Isn't that irretating. It was actualy my first time in a job fair. I never thought it would gonna look like what I thought it would be. I just Couldn't believe how I handle myself during an inteview. I hate job interview. I have this phobia called xenophobia (stage fright). For me to improve I need to undergo process, training, and self-assesment. In line to this it's seem very inspiring to realize how you can see yourself in a situation where you can't even handle it. Up to now I seems can't resist it, can't even lessen it, I just don't know. I even find ways to atleast lessen it. I did check the internet, tried some alternative but none did work. And I consider it the reason why oftentimes I failed during interview. Well, how i wish i could broke it like a spell and can vanish it all the way. Until lifetimne, I hope. I just leave it to God.

During those time I prepared five resume and a junk one, but not junk totally. When I'm done passing them I only have one left and that is my junk resume. It came to my mind to try to pass it. When my turns came for the interview I'm shaking and trembling. When she started asking me questions I just answered her what I have in mind. So I did. Luckily i made it successfully. I texted my siblings to tell them about the good news which is my new job. I went back home with a smile in my face atleast I can made it sometimes.

DURING THE EXAM!!

I woke up early and prepared myself, and i came early at the office. We're like almost 30 hopefuls. Two sets of exam were given, Essay and Arithmetical Problem. Al pressures were in us at that time, feelin' not so okay, a mixture of something we can't even define. Afterwards a manager came out. She seems very kind of nice and very understanding. VERY CLEVER. When were done, we then scheduled to comeback after elections for our three days training without pay.

TRAINING DAY!!! ---IT'S SHOWTIME---

Same thing I did as like to my exam day. I still came early. This time was quite different because we are in outfit. We're wearing white polo shirt tucked in with black belt, black leather shoes without shoelace, and a new haircut. It was very surprising for us for it was not the same thing our manager said during conference. We are all shocked. The job seems very hard to me. It doesn't fit to me at all. It Doesn't fit to my capabilities at all. When we're halfway through, we now understood the nature of the said responsbility that was given to us. They explain what are the assignment during shift. I find it very hard and very tiring but it's another challenge to me. I need to challenge myself sometimes so that I'll have learnings and lessons to take on. I'll face it as long as I can. There are no easy job to someone whose in need. Determination and patience should always prevail. Let's Enjoy our life. God will bless us.