LIFELINE

PAST TENSE
( Thinking it would teach me how i make my life at its's best. )

When i look at my life way back then all i can say is "AMAZING". I've been through a lot of sufferings in life. I always wanted to divert it to something i could be proud of someday. It may sounds very awkward knowing that even now I'm still prisoned to what i had been and hu i had been in the past.

Being still prisoned of my past wouldn't give strength. All im getting is misery and condemnation. I don't even know if im being blessed or not at all. I am enthusiastic enough to be a negative thinker. I'm always into positive side. If   it's for the best then i'll go for it. It it's not helping me at all better stop it. Simplicity is what i'm into.  For i know that there is really beauty in it. But sometimes people might misunderstood your action and words. They're not sensitive enough to feel what you're feeling inside. So all i can do is just let them judge me. I dont CARE..It doesn't MATTER.

PSYCHOLOGICALLY REALM
( Thinking it sometimes it'll give me WARNING. )

I'm quite yet very sensitive and a typical lad.  How would i put myself in a situation without even hurting other people? I ask this question to myself many times. Hoping that someday i'll find what's the real thing happening in my life. People might not like you beacause of how you acted toward them. No one CARES. It doen't bother me at all atleast i'm just being true to who i really am. I can't express myself vocally (not a vocal person). I can only do it in a written way. I love to talk to strangers even i don't know them personally.

PREDICAMENT
( Thinking it would help me fprget eveything. )

I tried to kill myself.
I'm very childish.
I wanna forget my past.
I'm very reckless handling important things.
I tried to run away from home.
I tried to find myself by my own.
I cursed my family especially my father.
I don't want being sorrounded by my father.
I just don't like the whole him.
I'm looking for something that can fill in that emptiness.
I never felt I'm being loved by the people who i thought would not defile me.
I am sorry to myself knowing how hard their treatment to me.
Are they against me?
VERY stubborn,  a blacksheep, and a no good person.

RESOLUTION OF SINGULARITIES
( I'm liking this in the present. )

I find myself more interesting. I need to improve it even more. I love myself now.
I can say that I am now a matured person, intellectually speaking. I'm now change into someone i'm not use to before.
I am now treating my past as the best teacher for it helps me strenghten my desire to screech a thing. I can't really conclude that i'm more responsible. 50 percent change , I guess. Not bad i supposed.
Running away to something isn't helping at all. It'll give you conflicts.

I  forgive my father for all he had done to me. I miss him. I love him even more. I dont have the right to curse him bercause without him i wouldn't be this HANDSOME as i am today. ( ANY REACTION )
I'm proud to what he'd been accomplished, big or small. We're not totally close but i get him and i dont want people judge him. He's not really that sweet. But it doesn't mean he doesn't love us. We are created differently and unique in many ways. Needless to share this but i never got a chance to say that i love him personally. Atleast now here in this blog i can let you guys know how i love my father and how big it may be. BE proud of your father no matter what.

I know myself better than those who know me personally. But sometimes i feel the emptiness inside my heart. So i keep searching solution or alternative to atleast to  lessen this urge. I just dont know about it. I'm still figuring it out.

I don't consider myself as someone i dont deserve to be. God created me for a special purpose and that is to win souls and share His words. I thought if people will criticize you that would mean they hate you. When i knew it, they'll just helping you.
 I should've to love them. CARE them all the time.  FORGIVE THEM AND FORGET ALL THE HURT THEY'VE DONE.

                 " These changes in me wouldn't possible if without the lord guidance."